The Archfornicator of Canterbury

23 Hotel Excelsior, Rimbaud

Jack Back knew he couldn't stay in Nuevo Saunabad. After his last call to Richard Black, he knew the Company would try to track him down, and there weren't too many hiding places in the city. Something about this whole business did not add up. Why did Black choose him to go to Shannara? What was the purpose of the object he had retrieved there? And why was he greeted by a death squad on his return to the capital?

Jack decided to get out of town as quickly as possible. He hailed a taxi in front of the hotel Titz.

"What's the nearest town."

"Rimbaud. Too far for me though."

Jack flashed a ten-rallod note at the driver.

"Are you sure."

"Yep. My shift ends in half an hour. The wife is making yak stew."

Jack looked around him and, noticing that there weren't too many people around, took his Glock out of its holster just far enough so that the driver could see he meant business.

"I'll give you twenty rallods if you take me there."

"Well if you put it that way. The stew gets better the longer it cooks anyway."

Rimbaud was a small village twenty kilometers from Nuevo Saunabad. It had a post office, a general store and a hotel. According to the neon sign on the wall, the hotel was called Excelsior. Jack gave the taxi driver two ten-rallod notes and walked in the lobby. The taxi drove off into the sunset.

Behind the counter was a stout man in his sixties. He eyed the stranger silently with detached curiosity.

"How much for a night."

"Would you prefer a blonde or a brunette."

"Just a room."

"You're in the wrong place mate. You want to sleep go somewhere else."

"How much for a night with the brunette then."

"Fifty. Up front."

"You must be joking."

"You won't be disappointed."

"Does that include clean sheets. And a clean towel."

"But of course. We're very proud of our hygienic standards here at the Excelsior."

"Very well. What about breakfast."

"I'm sure you'll get to eat something if that's your thing. Ho ho ho."

"Right. Here."

Jack handed the barman five ten-rallod notes. The barman counted them, checking the watermark on each, and nodded.

"Suzy. There's a customer waiting for you."

Suzy was a tall, voluptuous brunette who emerged through the doorway behind the barman. Jack guessed her age as between 25 and 30. She wore a deep red nightgown that had seen better days. She took a key from a hook on the wall and headed towards the stairs. Jack followed suit.

Upstairs, the girl opened a door and stepped into a room. Jack closed the door behind him. The room was as seedy as he'd expected. There was an armchair, a lamp on a small table, a potted plant and, of course, a queen-size bed. On the wall hung a framed reproduction of Manet's Luncheon on the Grass. Someone had stuck a chewing gum on the naked girl's right nipple. Suzy slipped out of the slinky dress and started removing her bra.

"I just want to sleep."

"Whatever. Your money your choice."

Suzy removed her bra anyway, along with her stockings and underpants, and dived between the sheets. Jack did not disapprove of what he saw. His mind was soon full of impure thoughts. He considered briefly asking her to hold on to his scrotum with both hands while he slept, but ultimately decided against it.

Jack took off his clothes, removing the Glock from its holster, and flicked the light switch. The neon sign outside cast a faint glow in the room. Jack climbed into the bed, slipped his pistol under the pillow and closed his eyes. Soon he was snoring.

It was already light outside when Jack awoke at quarter past seven. The girl was asleep and had her arm across Jack's chest. He didn't mind in the least. He tried not to wake her up when he got up to go to the toilet, but didn't succeed. Suzy opened her eyes and yawned.

"Good morning."

"Morning stranger. You've had your sleep. Now what."

"Now I'm going to take a shower, get dressed and go for breakfast. If that's an option in this town."

"Are you sure you don't want to do anything to relieve your stress. You seem awfully tense. Plus you've already paid for it anyway."

"How long have you been doing this."

"Long enough to be good at it. Trust me."

"I suppose you could wash my back."

"If you like."

Jack went to the bathroom, stepped into the bathtub and turned on the shower. It took ages for the water to get warm. Suzy followed him and grabbed a sponge and a bar of soap. She started to rub his back with the soapy sponge, moving her hand slowly in a broad arc.

Downstairs, two KSPB agents entered the hotel lobby. One of them showed the concierge a photo of Jack.

"Have you seen this man."

"Maybe. We get a lot of guests."

"Maybe you'd like to accept our invitation to jog your memory at the Royal Secret Police headquarters. We have good coffee."

"He's upstairs. Room 6. There's a girl with him. Don't hurt her."

The agents climbed up the stairs, both drawing a 9mm Makarov from its holster on the way. Unlike the ordinary police, KSPB's budget covered ammunition.

At the door of room 6, one of the agents pulled a lock pick out of his pocket and started working on the lock. It only took him a few moments to unlock it. He turned the knob slowly and kicked the door wide open. One after another they burst into the room, pistols at the ready. The shower was running in the bathroom. One of the agents motioned for the other to go and check it out.

When the agent opened the bathroom door, he saw that the shower was empty. In the same instant he was hit on the head with a heavy flowerpot. At the same time, his colleague who had remained in the room fell to the floor. Jack, who had been hiding behind the door, had used his knowledge of Kung Fu to incapacitate the agent with a technique known as the Ancient Green Dragon Grip of Death. The name was a slight exaggeration, as it only knocked the recipient out for a good half hour. He would awake later with a searing headache, much like the other agent who was now lying unconscious on the bathroom floor.

Suzy, who was only wearing a towel, picked up the sidearms of the KSPB agents.

"What should I do with these."

"You shouldn't be handling those. They can be dangerous."

Suzy smiled.

"Dangerous is my middle name."

"Get rid of them somehow. Thanks for your help Suzy."

"Anytime stranger. You know my first and middle name. What's yours."

"Jack."

"Nice to meet you Jack."

"Likewise."

Jack, who had only had time to put on his trousers, picked up his shirt, holster and jacket and put them on as well.

"It would probably be a good idea for you to get out of town for a while. Same goes for your boss. These fellows might not be too pleased when they wake up."

"I could do with a vacation I suppose. Would you like to come with me."

"Some other time. I've got unfinished business."

"A pity. See you later then."

"Yeah."

Jack walked up to Suzy, kissed her on the lips and left. Suzy picked up her clothes and also left the room, closing the door behind her.

The Archfornicator of Canterbury by Olli-Pekka Rinta-Koski
is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.