The Archfornicator of Canterbury

57 Drøvel remembers his mentor

Professor Drøvel was back at his apartment. There was still roughly half an hour's worth of videotape left. The KSPB agent in the cellar, however, was the least of his worries right now. He knew there was no time to lose. If things kept on going horribly wrong, the aliens might take off and return to their home planet at any moment, and that would be it. There would not be a Third Coming.

The Church of the Latter Day Aliens had, by necessity, been a clandestine underground organisation for generations. Ever since the founding fathers wrote the Holy Scriptures, the members of the Church had known that they could not afford to let outsiders know what they knew until the time was right. If their secrets were ever revealed, they would be hunted down, imprisoned and, depending on the prevailing social atmosphere, tortured and killed because of their faith.

Professor Drøvel had been a member of the Church since he was a freshman at the University. He was recruited by Oleg Antonov, by then already on the graveyard side of 80, who was at the time lecturing the Elementary Cell Biology course. Antonov soon noticed Drøvel's talent and passion for all things organic, and he became Drøvel's friend and mentor. One evening, when they were walking under the oak trees in the University courtyard, Antonov asked whether Drøvel believed in life on other planets. Drøvel replied that while he of course couldn't be certain, he thought it extremely unlikely that the vast cosmos would not contain another planet with conditions such as those on Earth. With the right conditions, Drøvel continued, it was almost inevitable that life would emerge.

Antonov was pleased with his young protégé's answer and told him something he would never forget.

"I have absolute proof that life outside our planet does exist."

"What are you saying Oleg."

"I said I can prove that there are beings out there whose origins are not on Earth."

As a young biology student, Drøvel was naturally quite excited by Antonov's statement, although he was also afraid that Antonov had simply become senile. On the off chance that his teacher was actually telling the truth, he asked Antonov to elaborate on what he'd just said. Rather than explain, Antonov told Drøvel he'd show him the proof at his house later that evening. No amount of prodding would make Antonov tell more about what he was going to show. Drøvel had no choice but to go and have a look at whatever it was that Antonov considered to be proof of extraterrestrial life.

Drøvel knocked on Antonov's door at exactly six o'clock. The old teacher opened the door and motioned for Drøvel to enter. They sat down in Antonov's study, where he offered Drøvel a glass of port. Drøvel declined the offer.

"Dear Oleg. You said you had proof of life outside Earth. I would very much like to see it."

"Ah the impatience of youth. Very well. Just a moment."

Antonov went to his desk and opened a drawer, pulling out a wooden box. The box was made of Brazilian rosewood and had a glass lid. Antonov placed the box gently on the table next to Drøvel.

Drøvel leaned over the box to see what was inside. The box contained a small butterfly. Its wings were a grayish shade of brown. It definitely wasn't the most impressive butterfly Drøvel had ever seen, and as far as he could tell there was nothing extraordinary about it.

"Why is this butterfly proof of extraterrestrial life. As far as I can tell it's just another specimen of the genus Lepidoptera."

"It does look quite ordinary. However in actual fact it is anything but. This butterfly species became extinct about two hundred million years ago. This specimen was recreated from a fossil imprint."

"What do you mean when you say 'recreated'."

"I mean that it was created from scratch using the fossil as a blueprint. With technology that is about a million years ahead of anything mankind has invented."

"I don't understand. Are you saying that aliens from outer space came down on Earth and used some sort of wizardry to bring a prehistoric insect back to life as a display of their technological prowess."

Antonov smiled. That's it, Drøvel thought, the man has definitely become senile.

In time, however, Drøvel came to believe Antonov's wild story. The old man confided in Drøvel and told him that there was an organisation whose purpose was to act as spokesmen for the human race when the aliens returned. The organisation was called the Church of the Latter Day Aliens. Drøvel was made a member of the Church in an elaborate ceremony which involved the ingestion of psychedelic mushrooms. The mushroom trip, during which he was reborn as a beam of pure energy and travelled with aliens to the far end of the universe on an astral plane, convinced Drøvel that Antonov was right and aliens with butterfly makers actually did exist. As time went by, Drøvel was introduced to more and more of the Church's holy writings that had been passed on from one generation to the next.

It had been eight years since Drøvel was anointed as the head of the Church. Their numbers had dwindled, but a small group of hardcore believers still kept the faith. Recent converts, such as Hildegard von Wichsen and Judas Bobrichoff, were made privy to a small subset of the Holy Scriptures. Drøvel was the only person to be familiar with all of the secrets of the Church.

He opened his desk drawer and looked at the wooden box that was sitting there. Oleg Antonov was on his deathbed when he gave the box to Drøvel. The butterfly's wings were frayed and torn. It was Drøvel's most treasured possession. He had promised Antonov that he would be prepared for the Second Coming. He was not about to break that promise.

The Archfornicator of Canterbury by Olli-Pekka Rinta-Koski
is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.