The Archfornicator of Canterbury

64 The Minister is summoned

Acting as an ambassador for an alien species from a faraway galaxy isn't something you can study for. Very few universities offer courses in intergalactic relations, for one. Intardo Musilicus had a headstart over most prospective candidates, being a graduate of the Seminary where the curriculum had at least a tenuous link with otherworldly beings. Like most things in his life, however, this had very little bearing on why the aliens chose Musilicus and not someone else. The former Archbishop just happened to go fishing on the right lake at the right time.

As he sat in his office, both feet on the rosewood desk, a slightly unsettling thought crossed his mind. Right before he'd been taken to the KSPB headquarters, he'd met two representatives of some church he'd never heard of. Even though the two were drugged out of their minds, they still managed to babble something that made at least halfway sense on occasion. They said the church had something to do with aliens. If that was so, why would the aliens choose him over someone who probably could be trusted to devote themselves to the cause wholeheartedly, instead of half-assedly as Musilicus had been doing (and intended on continuing to do)? He made a mental note to ask the aliens the next time the voices appeared in his head. Which they did a moment later.

"...where is your leader..."

"...we need to meet him now..."

"...do not let us down..."

"Chill out guys. Geez. You'd think that space aliens who have come from lightyears away would have a modicum of patience. I'll see what I can do. He's a busy man though."

"...we need to meet him now..."

"Got that the first time. Geez. It's not as if I have the choice of not listening to you guys."

Musilicus got up and went out to the corridor, where a junior KSPB agent was posted – purely for protection, of course.

"I need to speak to the Minister."

"I suggest you contact his secretary Sir. The Minister is a busy man."

Don't I know it, Musilicus thought.

"And how do I get in touch with his secretary."

"Try the phone. There's one on your desk."

Musilicus tried to think of a snappy retort, but couldn't. Fuming, he returned to the office and slammed the door shut.

Leafing through the Ministry phonebook, he found the entry for the Minister. The secretary's number was listed beneath. Musilicus dialed the number and waited. The phone rang.

"Hello."

"Can I speak with the Minister please."

"Unfortunately he is in a meeting right now. Shall I ask him to call you back."

"Is that the best you can do."

"I'm afraid so Sir. Who shall I say called."

"Intardo Musilicus. Spokesman for the aliens."

"Why didn't you say so Sir. I will patch you right through. Just a minute."

And lo, the phone rang once again.

"Cagadero."

"It's Musilicus. Would you be available for a little chat. The aliens are getting impatient."

"I see. If you'll give me a moment I'll wrap up the proceedings down here."

"Don't take too long. They are not used to waiting."