The Archfornicator of Canterbury

91 Pandemonium before take-off

After Drøvel's announcement, it was clear to Musilicus that it would not make much sense to read out the list. The crowd on the square was quite confused. They had come to celebrate mankind going to the stars, and now they were being told that in fact the brave candidates weren't being taken aboard as fellow travellers but instead as livestock for a farm far far away.

"...now you speak for us..."

"What. I don't believe this. You guys have pretty much blown the game now haven't you. What can I possibly say after that announcement."

"...step up to the microphone..."

Musilicus felt his legs moving him towards the microphone left vacant by Drøvel, who had already stepped down from the stage.

"People of the Earth."

Musilicus was surprised to hear his own voice. He was speaking to an audience of millions without having any control over what came out of his mouth.

"What you have just heard is true. Our wish is to start a colony of humans. A colony that is fruitful and will multiply. Your time on Earth is running out. Your weather will cool down. What once was fertile farmland will be covered under a thick layer of ice. The planet will no longer provide food and warmth for mankind. You will die out one by one. The last human on Earth will die alone. Cold. And hungry. That will happen soon and you have no way of avoiding it."

"Life will not be extinguished. The oceans will still be teeming with life. But many species will not survive the coming Ice Age. The Earth will no longer be ruled by humans because you will cease to exist. Perhaps one day there will be another species as advanced as you are now. Who knows. But even if that happens they will not be humans. Your only chance as a species is to join us."

"It is true that we also wish to gain from this arrangement. Our wish is to become corporeal once more. You can help us do that. You can provide us with the bodies we need to shed the shackles of our insubstantial existence. In return we will grant you life. With our help mankind can reach the stars."

At that moment everyone turned to look at the source of the loud noise that was making its way towards King Square through the sky. To most of the people, it looked like a really fast aeroplane that had very tiny wings. Those with military training recognised it instantly as a cruise missile that was on impact course with the alien space vessel. It didn't get too close to its target before exploding in mid-air in a brilliant flash of light. The shockwave of the explosion shook the buildings and ruptured a few eardrums with its thunderous sound. Another cruise missile followed and met the same fate. Three more missiles tried to reach the spaceship and failed just as miserably. Then all of a sudden it was quiet once more. Musilicus had ducked when the first missile blew up. He got back on his feed, dusted off his suit and continued the alien speech where he left off.

"We have started preparations for take-off. Our ship is ready to accept the hundred travellers who wish to join us. We will take onboard the first fifty viable males and fifty viable females who touch the ship."

This announcement made the crowd go wild. The police dog patrols were helpless against the thousands of people who stormed the riot barricades, toppling them over. As soon as the first people started to reach the spaceship, some of them disappeared in a flash of light. It didn't take long before all hundred had been beamed inside. There were a lot of disappointed faces among the people who didn't get near the spaceship in time. The TV crews had a busy time trying to catch as much as possible for the pleasure of viewers across the globe.

Crown Prince Umberto, who had been watching the ceremony with Miss Bulimia from the side of the stage, was furious. His plan to be the first Bulimian in space had gone horribly wrong. Still, it wasn't all bad. Miss Bulimia seemed to be enjoying his company, and he didn't mind feasting his eyes on her curvaceous body. He also had plans to try other appendages on her before the night was through.

As the spaceship started to vibrate and emanate a loud hum, the crowd receded. The hum crescendoed until the alien space vessel rose a few feet off the ground, then the noise died down. Without a sound, the giant torus kept climbing straight up. The people on the square saw the alien spaceship gain speed and disappear through the clouds. It would take them thousands of years to return home travelling at the speed of light. The aliens, being non-corporeal, would just while their time away meditating deep within the machinery of the spaceship. The humans would be in a state of stasis for the duration of the trip. They would eventually wake up thinking that no time at all had passed since they were beamed inside the spaceship. By then they could well be the only human beings in existence.

Musilicus stood on stage, still clutching the microphone, and watched the spaceship vanish. He would no longer be acting as the spokesman for the aliens. It was definitely time to try another line of business. He started making his way through the crowd towards the site where the giant alien spaceship had stood only moments ago. Musilicus was hoping that the wine cellar in the ruins of the Cathedral was still intact.

The Archfornicator of Canterbury by Olli-Pekka Rinta-Koski
is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.