Talk about a blast from the past. I hadn’t seen this photo until a few days ago, when the photographer sent me a copy. What you see here is (most of) the Reserve Officer Course 107 of the Imperial Finnish Navy, 22 years ago in late ’89 or early ’90. Surprisingly enough I still remember most of the names, although I suppose I could always look the missing ones up in the yearbook I edited. Less surprisingly, I haven’t seen most of them since, and the two I still keep in touch with aren’t in the shot (one of them being behind the camera). One can’t help but wonder whether they are all still alive. I’m in the back, poking my tongue out in front of the truck’s windshield.

Unfortunately the B&W nature of the photo doesn’t do justice to the bright blue track suits, affectionately known as “Smurf Suits”. The rest of the picture is more or less just as gray as it would have been in real life.

I love the smell of jet fuel in the morning

Two easy steps: Jetstar from Darwin to Singapore, Finnair from Singapore to Helsinki. Of course, this might not be the fastest route for you, unless you already happen to be in the Top End. I was, which meant I was in the passport control queue at Helsinki Airport in less than 19 hours after wheels off at Darwin.

I was flying on a OneWorld ticket, and as Qantas is code sharing on the Jetstar flight, I was actually served a hot meal! I also got a beauty bag full of useless goodies, such as single-use socks that will have covered your feet in ugly black fluff by the time you take them off; to be fair, the ear plugs might come in handy one day. This was notable mainly because neither Finnair nor, I think, Qantas actually hand out stuff like ear plugs and eye shades (and certainly not inflatable travel cushions) any longer.

DPC – EFS

No, the title is not mispelled (sic). I am of course talking about Batchelor, NT, a tiny town on the edge of Litchfield National Park in the Top End, where Australia’s No 1 skydiving boogie (for my money anyway) takes place at the end of July every two years.

The turnout this year was smaller than in 2009. This seems to be a trend: I don’t think I’m just imagining that there are fewer and fewer jumpers around on weekends and at events. (Please comment if you think otherwise; I’d love to be proven wrong.) To be fair, 2009 was the 30th anniversary of Rel Week, so people probably were making an extra effort to be there.

Only in the Top End...

The smaller turnout was mainly noticeable in big ways, or the lack thereof. I think the biggest jump all week was a 20-way, whereas 2 years ago 30-ways were happening all the time. Some of the smaller ways (16 or so) were done as formation jumps from two Caravans for practice purposes, which was still good fun – opportunities for formation loads being normally few and far between.

The jumps, however, are not and never were what makes Batchelor special. Imagine a place far from everywhere and everything, where the weather is always perfect, where the sky is always sunny, where you can catch up with old friends and meet new ones, all of them with a happy smile on their face. Where you can take a day off and swim with crocodiles (apparently someone saw a small freshie at Berry Springs). Oh, and where your mobile phone probably doesn’t work. That’s what Rel Week is. I realise this makes me sound like a soppy, sentimental idiot – guilty as charged.

A swooper heading towards the back lawn at Batchelor

I had two personal goals for the week. First, swooping the back lawn, as I didn’t have the jump numbers to be allowed to do so back in 2009. I am happy to report that the mission was successful, and I didn’t even hit any of the palm trees lining the landing area unlike some other skydivers who shall remain nameless. Second, jumping from a chopper, also a resounding success. Thanks to Helen, Bart, Terry, Jay and Phil for a great jump. It was also my second time ever in a chopper – the first being earlier that day, when a few of us were treated to a FREE (!) chopper ride which must have lasted for about a minute at an altitude of no more than 150 ft, but hey, a free chopper ride is a free chopper ride. Yes, I did ring the bell.

Big thanks to Darwin Parachute Club for yet another great boogie – hope to see you all again in 2013! EFS!

Koppel, yours truly and Hubert chillin' out at Berry Springs

“Don’t undertake a project, unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible.” Thus spake Edwin Land, the man who gave the world instant photography with the Polaroid SX-70 camera. (More on the subject: Polaroid’s SX-70: The Art and Science of the Nearly Impossible @ Technologizer.)

According to Land, the SX-70 “incorporated 20,000 technological breakthroughs”. Alas, Land died in 1991, well before the advent of digital photography. Had he lived to see the world of instant photography completely transformed, he undoubtedly would have tried to tackle the following technological (and, to be fair, social) problems:

Flash photography at a stadium concert.

Typically, a built-in flash only has power to illuminate a subject that is less than 5 m away. If you’re taking a photo of someone that you think is Bono, but can’t be sure because you could only afford the cheap seats, your flash is not going to carry that far. Of course, Bono is going to be even tinier in the resulting shot, but hey, you might get a nice overall shot of the concert experience, right? Unless it’s dark, in which case you’ll get very artistic light traces and not much else, but at least you’re not annoying everyone else with your flash going off every ten seconds.

Tip: turn off the flash.

Flash photography with an integrated flash in general.

Any integrated flash, even on a very expensive DSLR, will be located so close to the lens that the resulting photo will be very much reminiscent of a deer in headlights. A red-eyed deer, at that.

Tip: turn off the flash and either turn up the ambient light, or take the shot with a suitably powerful lens.

Mirror self-portraits.

Unless you’re Annie Leibovitz, you’re extremely unlikely to pull off a very flattering shot of yourself in this manner, so Just Don’t.

Tip: get someone else to take the shot.

Self-portraits taken holding the photo apparatus at an arm’s length.

See above.

Too many photos of the same subject.

I was recently chatting with a professional photographer about a sporting event he covered. The event in question involved building a record-size formation that only remained complete for a few seconds. I asked the pro how many shots he took. His answer: “Two.” He knew where to be for the shot he wanted, and also knew when he needed to be there, so he made sure that was the case, and took the shot. I don’t know what the spare was for—but the point is, he didn’t take the shots he knew he wouldn’t need.

Not everyone has the patience and determination to develop such a keen eye that they can only go for the money shot, and that’s fair enough. It’s probably fair to argue that to get to the point where you only need one shot, you first have to take lots of shots that don’t make the grade.

But for Moloch’s sake, there’s absolutely no need to inflict all of them on the world on Facebook, Flicker, etc. just because it’s possible. By doing so, the photographer passes the job of culling the inferior shots onto each and every viewer, and diminishes the value of the good shots in the process.

Tip: Only publish the good shots.

“Wishful thinking” photos.

Aka “If I take 200 shots, one of them must be good”. Common in low-light performance situations, such as a concert, street parade at night, etc. While it’s true that one of the 200 shots might, as if by miracle, turn out half decent, the rest of the crowd is there to enjoy the performance, which is something that the hapless photographer will totally miss out on by viewing it through a LCD screen.

Tip: only publish the good shots, not the ones that would be good if not for the fact that they aren’t.

This is in response to a meme doing the rounds on a reasonably popular social networking site called “30 Day Song Challenge”. (The meme, not the site, that is.) Seeing as we live in an age of instant gratification, and also because I couldn’t be bothered to slice this up, mine are conveniently provided in a single entry.

day 01 – your favorite song

Obviously it varies. The nominee for today is “Orpheus” by David Sylvian.

day 02 – your least favorite song

“Honey” by Bobby Goldsboro. By a country mile. Only to be surpassed by the cover version in Finnish by some no-talent hack. If you know who it was, please don’t remind me.

day 03 – a song that makes you happy

Magnus Uggla’s “Dansar aldrig nykter“. In fact, pretty much every song he’s ever done makes me happy. Utmärkt!

day 04 – a song that makes you sad

“Reaching for the Rail” by Rick Wright.

day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone

“Featherfall” by Three Hour Detour. My favourite song by the band whose last gig I witnessed a few years ago in the faraway and mystical land of New Jersey.

day 06 – a song that reminds you of somewhere

“Your Belgian Things” by The Mountain Goats. Even though my Belgian experiences haven’t had anything to do with the sort of Belgian things to which the song refers.

day 07 – a song that reminds you of a certain event

“I Will Stay” by The Lollipops, made famous by Hurriganes, of course. The event was a private party back in the 80s. There was a guitar hanging on the wall. I grabbed the guitar and started strumming and singing. The host was there in no time flat, scissors in hand, and with one swift flick of the blades sliced through all the strings of his own guitar. Apparently the song brought back painful memories. I took the hint.

day 08 – a song that you know all the words to

“Johnny W.” by Marius Müller-Westernhagen. This in spite of not actually speaking German. Also see above, and 26.

day 09 – a song that you can dance to

“The Time Warp” from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Not that I know the steps or anything.

day 10 – a song that makes you fall asleep

Everything by Coldplay.

day 11 – a song from your favorite band

“Don’t Take Me Alive” by Steely Dan. Perfection in a can.

day 12 – a song from a band you hate

Hate is such an overused word. I am curious, however, as to why anyone with half an ear would willingly listen to such augurs of pure unadulterated mediocrity as Jimmy Eat World. Even the name is beyond stupid. Any song of theirs will do here, I wouldn’t admit to actually knowing any of the titles even if I did. If you haven’t heard of them, do yourself a favour and don’t look them up.

day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasure

No such thing. Something like “Shut Up (And Sleep With Me)” by Sin With Sebastian is simply pure pleasure, with no guilt attached.

day 14 – a song that no one would expect you to love

I guess the implication here is “but you love anyway”? Maybe “Aikuinen nainen” by Paula Koivuniemi.

day 15 – a song that describes you

I wish I could say “Millionaire Adventurer Balloonist” by The Titanics. I’d even settle for “Debbie Gibson Is Pregnant with My Two-Headed Love Child” by Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper. Alas, I guess I’ll have to go with “The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)” by Tom Waits instead.

day 16 – a song that you used to love but now hate

Again that “hate” thing. I can’t get behind that. Well, I probably could do without hearing Rainbow’s “I Surrender” ever again. By the way, the LP it’s on (“Difficult to Cure”) was my first ever LP, almost exactly 30 years ago.

day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio

It’s been a while since I last heard it, but David Gilmour’s “Mihalis” is probably the song I’ve heard (while) on the radio the most. It was always playing in the background whenever I engaged in extremely witty banter on my OUBS radio show, back in the day.

day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio

Anything recent by Frank Zappa.

day 19 – a song from your favorite album

“Acknowledgement” from John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme”.

day 20 – a song that you listen to when you’re angry

Easy. Skyhooks and “Why Dontcha All Get F**ked“.

day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy

“Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick” by Ian Dury & The Blockheads.

day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad

“In Darkness Let Me Dwell” by John Dowland.

day 23 – a song that you want to play at your wedding

I’ll pass, thanks. At gunpoint I’d nominate “Anyone’s Daughter” by Deep Purple.

day 24 – a song that you want to play at your funeral

I’d say it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll be playing ANY song at said event. However… I used to think John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme” (all of it, it’s barely 30 mins long) would fit the bill. Now, I’m a bit more partial to “I’m Dead (But I Don’t Know It)” by Randy Newman.

day 25 – a song that makes you laugh

It’s probably more of a smirk by now… but I still think Denis Leary’s “Asshole” is quite funny. Runner-up: “Show Them To Me” by Rodney Carrington.

day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument

There’s a few of them. I’ll nominate “Darling, Let’s Have Another Baby” by Johnny Moped – even considering some music-hating peasant unplugged my guitar mid-song at Equinox ’10.

day 27 – a song that you wish you could play

Does Rachmaninov’s 2nd Piano Concerto count as a “song”?

day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty

I get such an urge to tithe whenever I hear “Sympathy” by Rare Bird. Too bad I don’t actually subscribe to any tithe-grabbing scam.

day 29 – a song from your childhood

Ah, the Roaring Seventies. I guess could always go with Uriah Heep and “Lady in Black“. After all, it was the No 1 song in Finnish jukeboxes in 1971. However, I was a bit young to hang around in bars back then.

I remember being very much taken by Tom Jones’ vocal prowess on a soundtrack my Dad had. So, “Thunderball” it is, even if it happened to be released before I was born (not by much though).

Perhaps not entirely coincidentally, “Thunderball” was also the first “grown-up” movie I saw in a movie theatre. Thanks, Dad. The movie theatre in question has since shifted its focus from action to slapstick – it’s now a Kingdom Hall.

day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year

last.fm tells me it was Jeff Beck’s (cover of) “Goodbye Pork Pie Hat“. I’ll buy that.