Vesivelliä siellä ei syötäis

English summary: Here’s my uncle & dad jamming away on Finnish folk tunes back in 1957 – almost 60 years ago. File under World Music, I guess. Enjoy.

Tein viime kesänä arkeologisia kaivauksia 1863 rakennetussa aitassa, jonka katto on vuotanut jo vuosikausia. Aittaan on hillottu tavaraa, josta suurin osa olisi kannattanut kiikuttaa kaatopaikalle jo vuosia sitten. Rojun seassa oli kuitenkin muutamia mielenkiintoisia artefakteja, ehdottomasti mielenkiintoisimpana kelanauha, jonka pahvikoteloon oli merkitty päiväys “24.11.57”.

Kaikuja lähes 60 vuoden takaa.

Kaikuja lähes 60 vuoden takaa.

Muistin nauhan nähdessäni, että isälläni oli tosiaan vielä 70-luvulla kelanauhuri, joka sittemmin hävisi aikamyrskyn syövereihin. Muistin myös kuulleeni tuolloin vanhan äänityksen, jolla isäni soitti kitaraa ja enoni lauloi. Yleisen käsityksen mukaan nauha oli hävinnyt nauhurin mukana. Epäilykseni kuitenkin heräsi: voisiko tämä olla kyseinen nauha? Ellei, nauhalla voisi silti olla jotain jälkipolville säilyttämisen arvoista.

Kaappasin nauhan kyytiin ja otin yhteyttä vanhojen nauhojen restaurointiin erikoistuneeseen tahoon. Nauha osoittautui kunnoltaan yllättävän hyväksi ja pian selvisikin, että kyseessä oli kuin olikin tuo legendaarinen sessio, jolla nyt jo edesmennyt eno-Matti laulelee toistaiseksi tuntemattomiksi jääneitä, osin nykyajan mittapuulla sangen “poliittisesti epäkorrekteja” ralleja eli viisuja.

Nauhalla oli siis neljä laulua, joiden nimistä tai muistakaan detaljeista ei ole mitään tietoa. Tässä vaiheessa heitänkin pallon Sinulle, arvon lukija: tunnetko näistä lauluista jonkin?

Tässä toistaiseksi parhaat arvaukset:

  1. “Oli mulla ennen heilini fiini”
  2. “Tykit takoo Kannaksella”
  3. “Vesivelliä siellä ei syötäis”
  4. “Rissasen Riikka”

550-5.7.1 errors from Gmail

email-43107-344170_478x359If your mail bounces from Gmail with the following message:

host[2a00:1450:400c:c02::1b] said: 550-5.7.1 [abcd:ef01:23:45:67:8:9abc:def0] Our system has detected that this
550-5.7.1 message does not meet IPv6 sending guidelines regarding PTR records 550-5.7.1 and authentication. Please review 550-5.7.1 for more 550-5.7.1 information. u5si1912210wyu.71 - gsmtp (in reply to end of DATA

you’re probably using Postfix with IPv6 turned on. To fix this, tell Postfix to just use IPv4. In /etc/postfix/, change

inet_protocols = all


inet_protocols = ipv4

If it’s missing, just add the latter line. Restart postfix and hoppla! Es klingelt.

Gmail also wants a proper PTR (reverse IP lookup) record for the mail server, but the error message is probably something different (or nonexistent) if that’s missing.

This Bucket Is Listing To Starboard

Business Insider Australia has listed 30 Things To Do Before You’re 30 (OK, most of these things happened after, but who cares)

Run a half marathon (it’s ok if you have to walk a little).

I give up, already tripped on the first hurdle. I did walk once from Ipswich (QLD) to Willowbank (about 1/2 a marathon) – I doubt I’d attempt that sober, especially now that I’m older budweiser.

Travel somewhere TRULY exotic – anywhere that feels like the end of the earth.

Does Australia count? I’d say it does.

Buy tickets to a music festival and rage with the best of them.

Magnus Uggla in Mariehamn, 2012

I’m pretty sure there were exactly two Finnish-speaking people in the audience.

Saw Magnus Uggla in Mariehamn back in 2012. That should cover it.

Go skinny dipping.

Pretty much every weekend at the cabin in the summer. This is supposed to be a bucket list thing?

Splurge on a once-in-a-lifetime meal at one of the world’s best restaurants.

Tip: try the sweetbread at Sea Horse – or Dizzy Gillespie’s signature dish, fried Baltic herrings and mash.

I imagine the seafood meal I once had in Tamatave, Madagascar was once-in-a-lifetime in more ways than one, in particular because I have no idea what the pre-kitchen twitching and post-kitchen delicious crablike creepy-crawly actually was.

Best Karelian stew this side of the Isthmus.

Best Karelian stew this side of the Isthmus.

A while ago I splurged on Karelian stew at Pelmenit in Harju, and it turned out to be the best Karelian stew I’ve ever had. This could be in part because Karelian stew isn’t exactly a staple of my diet.

Cook a huge meal and throw a dinner party for friends.

Again, this is a bucket list thing?

Test drive your dream car.

Getting there.

Well, that’s a start. Now about those Gatling guns…

My dream car converts to a helicopter, a submarine, and a bobsled at the touch of a button, has Gatling guns and ejector seats, and runs on methane harvested from the atmosphere. It also has a bitchin’ sound system that plays Ride of the Valkyries non-stop in glorious surround sound. Whale skin hubcaps optional. You build it, I’ll test drive it.

Grab the microphone and perform at a karaoke bar, even if you have stage fright.

That's the table.

That’s the table.

This one time at summer camp (Rel Week 2009) I sang Finland Song a capella and in spite of having to take cover under a table due to a deluge of empty beer cans, did all the verses too. I’d say that counts.

Stay up all night partying in a big city like Los Angeles, Tokyo, or London.

Are you saying Riga, Latvia is not a big city?

Watch a meteor shower.

Have done. Also, northern lights, which seems to be an endless source of curiosity for Aussies.

Go bungee jumping or skydiving – really, anything that involves heights and massive amounts of adrenaline.

I got to be free / Free as the wind / Free is the way / I got to be

I got to be free / Free as the wind / Free is the way / I got to be

I’ll see your skydiving and raise you skydiving naked.

Throw yourself a huge birthday party.

I think I have at some point, but if I remembered it, would it have been that huge?

Climb a mountain (it doesn’t have to be Mt. Everest).

Didn't climb this one.

Didn’t climb this one.

Got me there.

Learn to bartend.

There's bartending, and then there's bartending.

There’s bartending, and then there’s bartending.

Grab a bottle of beer and an opener, lift off the cap, enjoy. If it’s a twist top, skip the opener. That was easy, wasn’t it?

Go scuba diving – or at least try snorkelling.

Pterois volitans, as featured in The Spy Who Loved Me.

Pterois volitans, as featured in The Spy Who Loved Me. This specimen was happy to pose for pictures in Bootless Bay, PNG.

Been there, done that in Australia, Thailand, and Papua New Guinea. Water was wet in all three.

Homo sapiens and Carcharias taurus in Shark Alley, Stradbroke Island, QLD, Australia.

Homo sapiens (yours truly) and Carcharias taurus in Shark Alley, North Stradbroke Island, QLD, Australia.

Travel somewhere all by yourself. It’s not as scary as it sounds.

Two solo round-the-world trips should cover this one.

Eat something that makes you squirm (may we suggest bugs, pigs’ ears, or intestines?).

Enjoying fugu in Tokyo. Domo arigato MIka-san.

Enjoying fugu in Tokyo. Domo arigato Mika-san.

Now here’s a tricky one, very few things make me squirm. I refuse to eat any politicians.

Learn to speak a new language.

What’s the cutoff? I can order “two beers” in more than 10. Two, because then you don’t have to worry whether it’s Die, Der, or Das.

Spend a night camping under the stars.

Done in both hemispheres.

Join an intramural sports team, even if you’re not an athlete.

And the reason for this would be …? No thanks, I think I’ll pass on this one.

Splurge on an item that you technically can’t afford, but that will last for years.

What is this “can’t afford” thing you speak of?

Sign up to be a mentor, or spend some time volunteering.

Anybody keen to learn how to make a wicked chili con carne?

Go whitewater rafting.

OK, may do at some point.

Apply for your dream job – there’s no better time to try.

I will immediately when I spot an opening for a jazz listener.

Take a cross-country road trip. (Remember: it doesn’t have to be across the U.S.)

Driving around in Central Europe it’s pretty difficult to not do so by accident. Case in point: Luxembourg. Even more so: Liechtenstein. They might not count as Real Countries though.

Have also driven all the way through Denmark (a Real Country, yay SAS and Tuborg!) without once letting the pedal off the metal. Good thing the mobile home wouldn’t go faster than 110 km/h, also the limit.

Attend a major sports event, whether it’s the Superbowl, World Cup, or World Series.

Saw the Cowboys beat the $#!T out of the Broncos at Suncorp Stadium once. That’s as major as they come in my book.

Sign up for a summer share at a beach house, ski house, or lake house.

Way ahead of you, already got one.

Take a class that’s totally out of your element, like improv, golf, or pottery-making.

Gobbledy bloody goop.

Gobbledy bluddy goop.

Most of the classes I took at Uni would fall under this category. Perhaps none more so than “Basic Course in Mathematics S 2”. Sounds innocuous enough, right? I still have nightmares of helix integrals and solids of revolution.

Get lost in a foreign country. Sometimes, that’s the best part of the trip.

When you come to a fork in the metro line, take it.

When you come to a fork in the metro line, take it.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Although my “Lost in Helsinki” T-shirt has been lost in the mists of time.

Unplug for a full day…or even a full week if you’re feeling zen.

Enjoying a spot of Vonnegut.

Enjoying a spot of Vonnegut.

Yay brother!

Now let’s celebrate.

Yes, let’s.

Mihin tahansa (paitsi Helsinkiin)

English summary: I made a music video. Watch it on YouTube.

Anssi Kela heitti virtuaalisen rapumerran Internetin aaltoihin ja laittoi syötiksi naapurin kissaakin mehevämmän saaliin. “Martin-haaste”-nimellä kulkeva koko perheen leikkimielinen kisailu toimii lyhyesti näin: 1) tee Anssin uuden “Nostalgiaa”-levyn jostain biisistä oma versio, 2) lataa siitä video YouTubeen, ja 3) eniten katsomiskertoja kerännyt video voittaa hienon palkinnon. Kuinka hienon? Erikoistilauksena tehdyn Martin-kitaran, joka on arvoltaan useimpien muusikoiden autoa tyyriimpi (ainakin minun).

Tätä kirjoittaessa kisaan on osallistunut toistasataa vetoa, mukana niin hienoja, etten elättele kovinkaan suuria toiveita kitaran kotiutumisesta residenssiini. Vilkaise nyt kuitenkin, millaisen version tein Anssin biisistä “Mihin tahansa (paitsi Helsinkiin)”.

Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used To Be


(dir. Andrey Tarkovsky, 1983)

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

There are few directors as universally revered as Soviet Union’s grand master of cinematic impenetrability, Mr. Andrey Tarkovsky. While I pretend to enjoy selected parts of his œuvre to appear more intelligent than I really am, the more advanced epics are, sadly, beyond my stamina. Hence, the acid test is easily administered: did I fall asleep during the movie? Solaris, Stalker, and even Zerkalo get a pass, while Andrey Rublev and now Nostalghia do not.


(dir. Damien Chazelle, 2014)


The Kirby Silver Surfer is the only true Silver Surfer. Now am I right or wrong?

A fairytale of New York, wherein a young and ambitious drummer tries to make it in the topsy-turvy world of jazz as practiced in the fictitional “Shaffer” Institute of Advanced Jazz and Cymbal Throwing.  J.K. Simmons won the “best supporting actor” Oscar for his portrayal of the sadistic band leader Clarence Fletcher, and quite rightly so – he’s easily the best movie villain since Colonel Hans Landa and his milk-drinking antics. The pace is pretty intense, which makes up for the cartoonish characters and lack of logical plot.

Check out also DJ Wh1pla$h, where “a young DJ struggles to make it at Skrillex Academy.” And while you’re at it, although it has nothing to do with Whiplash, shiver with anticipation as James Bruschetta and Adam van Busen are about to drop the bass in 2MNYBTNS.

Me Rosvolat

(dir. Marjut Komulainen, 2015)

Me Rosvolat

We are the very models of a modern Major-General.

It’s easy to make a movie for children, right? Just dress up a bunch of actors in funny clothes – extra points for a cool theme, like dinosaurs or pirates – and get them to overact even more than usual, throw in a couple of kids the target audience can relate to, crib a script from a book (helps if the book is popular, but it’s not a requirement) and make sure it’s full of plot holes, and viola! A summer blockbuster is born, or at least something that can be used to show the Finnish Movie Foundation that their generous grants bought more than just gummy bears for the wrap party.

By the way, the pirate van is clearly influenced by the plane flown by Truman Sparks in Fandango.

Valkoinen peura

(aka The White Reindeer, dir. Erik Blomberg, 1952)

Valkoinen peura

The hills are alive with the sound of vampire reindeer succubi.

Full of “Wait, what?” moments, Valkoinen peura remains to this day as the only Finnish movie to ever win a Golden Globe. It’s also – as far as I know (spoiler alert!) – the only movie made anywhere to feature a leading lady who is not only a vampire, but also a reindeer. Oh, and a succubus, but that’s sort of implied by the vampire bit, isn’t it? Lots of reindeer action and beautifully photographed snowy vistas.


(aka The Punk Syndrome, 2011, dir. Jukka Kärkkäinen & J-P Passi)


Punk is not dead, it’s just sitting very still.

Finland’s entry in the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest was Aina mun pitää by Pertti Kurikan nimipäivät, a punk four-piece from Helsinki. Much has been made of the fact that all the band members have learning disabilities. Four years earlier their unlikely story was made into a documentary, in places funny, in others insightful. Well, mostly funny, because life is.


(1980, dir. Peter von Bagh)


Rumour has it that Tapio Rautavaara was seriously considered for the role of Mr. Spock.

Tapio Rautavaara, the Elvis of Finland. Wait, that didn’t come out quite right. Elvis could have been the Tapsa of America, if only Elvis had been a world-class athlete in addition to being a rock slash movie star. The late, great Peter von Bagh got the camera rolling on the man of the hour and probably went down the pub to wait out the rambling. You’d be well advised to stick around for the stories though. Where else are you going to hear an Olympic champion in the javelin recount how he won the gold for his archery team at the World Championships, and what the team did to celebrate afterwards?