The Archfornicator of Canterbury

70 Alien embassy

The Ministry of Yak Herding had finished their move from their building on King Square. The two employees were now conducting their business from the KSPB canteen, much as Horst Hurenschwanz had been doing for a while. He would get his office back, though, as soon as the alien spokesman took over the new premises that the Government of Bulimia so generously provided.

Intardo Musilicus did not waste time once he heard that the Embassy he requested was finally available. He left Ingrid to gather his few belongings, consisting mostly of the manuscript for his memoirs, and all but ran to inspect the new premises. While he would have preferred the Royal Palace, the former Ministry was more than adequate for what he had in mind. The impressive architecture was sure to lend credibility to any half-assed scheme spouted in a press conference there.

His masterplan was still some way off from being even half-assed, though. It had been hovering around the quarter-assed mark for quite some time now. Musilicus was adamant about finding some way of profiting from the alien visitors, even if he wasn't sure anymore that he'd care to board the spaceship for a trip to the far reaches of the universe. He had been thinking of negotiating an exclusive deal to import alien engineering to Earth. Aeroplane manufacturers would probably pay a pretty penny to be able to licence the levitation technology used in the space donut. It probably wasn't the key to riches he needed, though. The more he listened to the voices inside his head, the more he became convinced that once the donut would take off, the aliens would not have any more contact with the inhabitants of Earth. It would hardly be conducive for even a meaningful correspondence relationship if the correspondents were thousands of lightyears apart.

Musilicus found the former Minister's office and noticed that all the furniture had been left behind. He wasn't a big fan of rosewood and burgundy leather, but he wasn't going to push his luck any further for now. There would be time to redecorate later. When Ingrid arrived with the reams of foolscap that Musilicus hoped would some day be edited into a multi-volume epic retelling his heroic rise from rags to riches, he was already waiting to get started with dictating the next chapter.

"There you are. What took you so long."

"I'm sorry Sir. There was a lot of paper as you can see."

"Very well. Let's get started. Which chapter is the next one."

"Chapter twenty-six Sir."

"All right. Chapter twenty-six. After my heroic return to the Seminary, I told the Headmaster he could kiss my –"

The voices inside his head returned.

"...when can we be ready..."

"...have you started to look for volunteers..."

"You guys don't ever take a nap do you. And this is not part of the memoirs so stop taking notes. We're working on it. You already heard that our leader needs to consult his minions."

"...we don't have much time..."

"Don't tell me Armageddon is tomorrow. I still have at least thirty chapters to dictate."

"...tomorrow not important..."

"Yes yes. I know. Life and all that jazz. Well you guys will just have to hold your horses. It's not exactly easy to convince a hundred people to just get up and go."

In fact, Musilicus knew perfectly well that it would have been trivial to find a hundred people who were crazy enough to grab any chance to take a trip on an alien spaceship without any preconditions. What he wasn't quite sure about was finding a hundred people who would fit his grand scheme, especially since it wasn't quite finished just yet. He definitely needed some time to get all his ducks in a row.