The original avatar

(Warning: contains spoilers.)

Terry Gilliam, the co-director of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, once famously said: “When maintaining a very low production standard you can get away with murder.”

The release of Avatar sees James Cameron finally reaping the rewards of relentlessly pursuing his personal Holy Grail for years and years. Up until recently he felt that technology was not worthy of being put to use in unfolding his opus magnificat. Times have changed, and the great auteur has graciously made his masterpiece available to the unwashed masses. Produced on a budget that, according to estimates, hovers somewhere between 300 and 500 million dollars, Avatar is pretty much the antithesis of what Terry Gilliam was talking about.

When you’ve got a really cool hammer, all the world had better be a nail

So, what did Cameron and his legion of CGI artists get away with? Let’s first take a look at the much-vaunted 3-D graphics. If only View-Master had come up with a motion picture version of their educational yet curiously entertaining toy, we would have had Avatar-like experiences 40 years ago. Not that there haven’t been any 3-D movies before Avatar, it’s just that for the most part they’ve been turkeys like Jaws III. Granted, the Avatar world does look plausible enough to be immersive, and there are lots of visually impressive scenes throughout the movie.

Unfortunately CGI is still struggling with realistic motion. Inertia is all but nonexistent, which is especially noticeable in flight. There are in fact no flying creatures in the movie, only winged lizards that swim through the air along impossible trajectories. I’m not buying the argument that this is an alien world where things work differently; I can suspend my disbelief to go with the floating mountains, but a leapin’ lizard moving through air does not glide along a straight path while only occasionally flapping its way too small wings for show, and definitely does not land gracefully without flaring under an Earth-like gravity. Many of the flight scenes felt like they’d been slapped on just so they could be recreated in the associated video game. The average gamer admittedly has somewhat more modest amounts of computing power at their disposal, so maybe the flight artists didn’t go all out on purpose, who knows.

I won’t even go into the “let’s-slap-some-Latex-on-their-foreheads” look of the alien race as popularized by Klingons on Star Trek all those years ago, except to maybe concede that the badass Marine colonel’s joke about chasing tail was actually kinda funny. I’ll also refrain from analyzing the flora and fauna too deeply — suffice it to say that any third-rate Advanced Dungeons & Dragons adventure pays more attention to the plausibility of those sorts of details. The only alien world cliché they missed was not having the planet orbit a double star.

Ignoring the visual candy for a moment, let’s take a look at the meat and bones of what makes a movie. You know, characters, story, the development thereof, acting, dialogue, that sort of stuff. Well, very little of any of that stuff makes a noticeable dent in the glossy armor of Avatar. Look, the 3-D graphics are pretty nifty, but that doesn’t excuse not including any of the above as well. Any decent movie made with real actors in a real environment has all that and much more, so just because a fortune was spent on renting supercomputer rendering time doesn’t mean that the other bits that maketh a movie can simply be glossed over. And no, “I’ll show them and get an even bigger bird!” doesn’t count as character development.

Déja-vù…

Cameron must have felt that he made Aliens so long ago that current audiences weren’t even born back then and therefore it’s OK to plunder from it. Gung-ho space Marines? Check. Hot chick as rough-as-guts Marine sergeant? Check. Paul Reiser (or, in this case, a look-alike) as soulless corporate bad guy? Check. Sigourney Weaver emerging from a pod, check, although 23 years and as many facelifts and Botox shots later, only in a supporting role, presumably to create continuity between the flogged-to-death Alien franchise and the new-and-improved Avatar franchise. Other flashback movies you may have seen include Jurassic Park, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (and, by extension, the Johnny-Depp-as-Michael-Jackson remake), Starship Troopers, and Doom the video game (possibly also the movie, which I haven’t seen).

In conclusion, even though it may sound like I hated Avatar, in actuality I’m just pissing in the production company’s pocket because any publicity, especially the free sort, can only serve to generate more money in the coffers of 20th Century Fox. Let’s just hope that James Cameron takes another 12 years to churn out his next epic.

Viva Bris Vegas

Life of a cinephile in Brisbane took a definite turn for the better with the opening of GoMA three years ago. The Cinémathèque, located at GoMA, boasts 300 seats between its two theatres and screens stuff that you’d be unlikely to catch at your local neighbourhood cinema, and even less likely to catch at any of the nameless, faceless, and tasteless cineplexes which have sadly all but taken over the movie theatre scene.

So far the Cinémathèque has brought the unwashed masses such gems as a look at “the film legacy of Andy Warhol within the broader context of postwar queer experimental cinema”, complete with no less than seven Bruce LaBruce masterpieces, and the recent Peter Greenaway retrospective. I was especially delighted to finally see The Belly of an Architect on the big screen, even if the movie itself didn’t quite live up to my expectations — but then again, I’m a hard crowd to please.

This week the Cinémathèque is celebrating Halloween with a selection of screenings under the heading “Dead Country: Australian Horror Classics“. Unfortunately I’ve got other plans for the weekend and won’t be able to catch Patrick nor Razorback, both movies that have been on my “to-view” list ever since my teenage pre-Finnish-video-law years, when I started my foray into the world of cinematic horror by watching a 6th generation VHS copy of Evil Dead. This event, of course, instantly corrupted my young and impressionable mind and surely must be largely responsible for the fact that I now don’t have a bald noggin (although the writing is on the wall), a staunch paunch (knock wood), a townhouse in a suburb of Espoo, a Volvo station wagon, a wife, 2 1/2 kids, and a golden retriever. And a partridge in a pear tree — but I digress.

Yesterday’s double feature consisted of two films I’d never even heard of, much less seen before. And what a treat they proved to be.

Maybe he forgot to take his vitamins?

The first offering was Body Melt by Philip Brophy, a movie that can only be described as Alien-meets-The Toxic Avenger-meets-Deliverance. As I suffer from spoiler aversion that can only be described as verging on the pathological *), I won’t go too deeply into describing the plot; suffice it to say that if you liked Bad Taste or Braindead, chances are you’d enjoy Body Melt as well. This movie has it all; gore, slime, violence, car chases, cheap scares, even cheaper laughs, you name it. Probably not a first date movie then — or, if you do take your date to see Body Melt and you’re still on speaking terms afterwards, he/she’s a keeper.

Disobedience is treason, treason is a crime, crime will be punished!

The second movie was Turkey Shoot — and similarly, think Tenth Victim-meets-Logan’s Run-meets-Commando and you’re not too far off the mark. Two of the reviews on IMDb are respectively titled “Probably one of the worst movies of all time…” and “The best film ever!” — I would have to agree in that whatever you think of this movie, you’re unlikely to go ho-hum. Dystopian setting, cartoonish characters, gratuitous nudity and violence — Ozploitation at its finest. While watching the movie, I was struck by the fact that while I wasn’t moved enough to actually hope for any of the characters to survive their respective ordeals — some of them do live to prevail at the end of the movie, but it’s probably not much of a spoiler to point out that not all of them are as fortunate — I was still captivated enough to find out what would happen to any and all of them through the admittedly somewhat predictable twists and turns. Two thumbs and a pinky toe up.

*) I once caught myself avoiding an article on Robocop in the fear of seeing any spoilers; by then I’d already seen said movie about 25 times.